Busted?

As a condition of being "employed" as a volunteer sedan driver for Dial-A-Bus I had to agree to random drug and alcohol testing. Today when I was ready to end my shift the dispatcher said for me to go to the Occupational Medicine Lab for a random test. I knew I was in deep yogurt because I had taken a restroom break midway through my shift. I was required to go immediately to the Lab or else be declared "positive".

I signed in and took my little beaker into the bathroom. The nurse had me empty all of my pockets and put the contents into a locked locker (she kept the key). Well I couldn't produce the sample they requested. They took me into the waiting room and said I had to stay within sight of the receptionist. I called Janeil and told her I wouldn't be home for lunch and called the dispatcher to tell him it would be awhile before I returned the sedan.
Every half hour they brought me a glass of water to drink. If I didn't produce an acceptable quantity of sample within three hours I would be declared "positive". My whole life flashed before me with the fear I would lose my weekly volunteer driver assignment. After two hours I had read all of the three-year-old Good Housekeeping magazines in the rack, which incidently have little to do with housekeeping and lots to do with other female type topics.

With my three hour limit running out, even though I didn't feel the urge to urinate, I thought I'd better try again. To my great relief I was able to perform and it just kept coming. I was not allowed to flush the toilet which was full of blue cleaner. This was to insure that I hadn't diluted the sample. I handed the warmed up beaker to the nurse. She started filling out some paper work. "Have you eaten poppy seeds in the last 72 hours?" she asked. She had me sign a bunch of forms which I never read. Maybe I've donated my body to science for all I know.

The staff got a lot more friendly when they determined I wasn't trying to get away with something. If I was a druggy I think I know how to beat the system because I wasn't patted down before being left alone in the room.

After returning home I had to visit the bathroom several more times. Right now I can't look at a glass of water without feeling queezy.

Because I Have Been Given Much I Too Must Give

Today my Dial-a-Bus riders made me realize how much truth is in the statement, "I complained because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

The riders are either senior citizens without other transportation, or else people with disabilities. Here is today's list:

1) A 94-year-old woman recently widowed, was going to physical rehabilitation. She wanted to talk about whether suicide was acceptable. Her doctor is Steve Athay. (An elderly gentleman pulled me aside as I left the rehabilitation center wanting to know now much the rides cost. The answer is $1.50 because they are subsidized by ODOT.)

2) A 59-year-old man going to the Cancer Center for a follow-up visit on his recent radiation treatments.

3) A 21-year-old on his third day at his Cornerstone Work Center job. He is on a landscaping crew cutting laws. He is silent during the ride but always shakes my hand and thanks me for the ride as he leave the car.

4) A 7-year-old Down Syndrome girl named Anna and her mom. They had been to the library and stopped at Thriftway to buy a birthday cake for dad.

5) A mentally retarded 35-year-old on one of those motorized shopping carts at Winco Foods. He had recently switched apartments and was thrilled with how nice the other tenants were at the new place.

6) An autistic man who works every day for 4 hours as a janitor at a concrete company. He lives in the country with his recently widowed mom. He pointed out that he had just mowed their huge lawn. He has my schedule memorized and repeats it to me each time we meet.

7) A 50-year-old who had been to see the eye doctor. He, like all the others, thanked me for being a volunteer.

Today was unusual--nobody going to the beauty parlor or to the Senior Center for a free meal. Also none of my blind clients today.